Hot Girl Oatmeal
A solid breakfast for you and your dog
This is the breakfast my dog and I have most mornings. I like it because it doesn’t fuck up my stomach first thing in the morning. My dog likes it because it has milk and dates in it. Here’s what I do:
Fill a saucepan about halfway with water and bring it to a boil. You can add a pinch of salt at this point but I don’t because if I do that I think I’m making pasta and add WAY TOO MUCH salt. I have to wait to add the salt until after the oats are in, so I can see that I’m making oatmeal.
Pour in some rolled oats (a cup? Depends on how many people/dogs you are feeding) and give it a whisk. I also add a little bit of quinoa (somewhere between a tablespoon and 1/4 cup) because I like the crunchy texture.
This is where the ~HOT GIRL~ part comes in, because I add a spoonful of hydrolyzed marine collagen peptides. (According to science, collagen will make me young forever.) If you don’t eat animal products, you can skip it and also stop reading. (JK! I love you!) I can’t say whether the collagen is helping my skin and joints but I can say that it adds a silky texture to the oatmeal, like a good chicken stock. It also makes the saucepan easier to clean because the oatmeal kinda sticks together, rather than to the pan. (This is hopefully what’s happening to my skin cells, too!)
I also add a spoonful of flaxseed meal for my bowels. The science seems iffy, but I like the nutty flavor and will try literally anything for my IBS.
I add a handful of goji berries as per my acupuncturist (shoutout to Dr. Vignette Ching!) and rip up some dates for sweetness. I like to let any dried fruit I add completely rehydrate in the oatmeal. I love how the dates just melt into the oatmeal. I don’t add raisins because they are toxic to dogs.
When the oats have absorbed all the water, I add a splash of milk.
I eat the oatmeal as-is or add a spoonful of jam, fresh fruit, or a drizzle of maple syrup. I leave some oatmeal in the saucepan, let it cool down, and then let my dog lick the pan. If my boyfriend is home, he’ll add cinnamon and nuts to his.
After my oatmeal, I’m ready to take my morning shit (is it the flaxmeal??) and keep that HOT GIRL energy going by doing some other spa shit like giving myself a face massage or flossing my teeth.
xo SB